Trying to be...
2003-12-15 - 1:28 p.m.
Lately I have been quite remiss with my diary. Where does the time keep going?
but then I look at my buddy list, and aside from one or two people, none of us have been updating. Maybe we've all caught a bug?
Dr appointment tomorrow...to hear the heartbeat (fingers crossed). I'm excited, and yet, nervous because this time, if they don't hear a heartbeat it won't be because of timing, it will be because something is wrong. 2 weeks ago I didn't fret when they couldn't hear it, because it was so early. This time, I know I'll be a wreck if they can't. So fingers crossed tomorrow morning, please.
And if all goes well tomorrow, we will finally be able to start telling people. I mean, people know, but only select people. After this we'll be able to tell everyone, if they are interested or not.
Friday I meet w/my supervisors and HR department to start planning my leave (which is still really early, but given my level of placement in the agency, we need to start planning early about replacement, supervision, coverage, etc). And then on Monday, I tell my staff. Once my staff know, my clients will all start knowing (information FLIES around here!) which makes me nervous too...but eventually they'll have to know right? and by the time I get back from the holidays, it will be pretty obvious anyway (for those who can see, that is)
In the meantime, I feel so conspicuous. Its obvious I've gained weight, though aside from one brazen volunteer who asked me when I would be returning to Weight Watchers, people have been politely ignoring my changing wardrobe and style and girth. But I'm sure there will be a ton of "of COURSE you are! that explains it!" going on after our meeting.
I'm about to leave my office to get my haircut. I feel guilty about this, even though technically its my lunch hour. But somehow, walking back in with a new haircut will be an obvious "hey everyone, I just spent a selfish hour on me, me, me!" reminder to everyone. I know, I need to get over myself.
