Trying to be...
2003-12-10 - 4:57 p.m.
I am two days shy of 11 weeks pregnant.
And I feel it....I get really physically exhausted after a day at work. My bones ache, my back twinges, my ass aches (though "they" say its too early to have sciatica, all signs are pointing at such).
In other ways, I don't feel it at all. I get to sleep through the night w/out rising to pee (granted I have to make a mad dash in the morning, but I don't wake up in the middle of the night). I am eating better, not feeling queasy except every now and then, and my boobs don't really hurt (unless I mash them in attempts to check to see if they hurt. Why do we do that to ourselves? I used to do that with PMS too...mash my breasts to see if they are tender. well, duh, mash ANY part of your body, its going to feel tender).....and so on.
I feel like everyone can tell. I feel like I carry myself differently or something. And now I have this intense desire to make plans with my girlfriends (many of whom I've been avoiding for the past few weeks out of fear of wanting to tell them when emotionally I haven't been ready to tell them) so I can spill the beans.
I feel like there is this very small window that I have to tell everyone in (which of course falls over the holidays, when people won't be around much)....I want to tell them after 12 weeks, but before I'm too far along. I don't want any of that "why didn't you tell me!!!!!" stuff. On the other hand, I don't really want to make it all about me....
oh, and I'm cranky all the time now. well, not all the time, but the mood swings are pretty fierce - and I'm not used to the instability of it all - it frightens me sometimes. Last night I snapped at D for absolutely no reason. Two seconds later I was all "oh my god, I am so sorry...I just picked a fight with you for no reason at all". He laughed, thankfully, but I felt so out of control of it all....
I use a lot of .....'s. Have you noticed?
