Trying to be...
2003-11-07 - 8:25 a.m.
Yesterday, I started to write an entry, then realized that I ended it before I wanted to....see, THAT is how tired I was.
Its getting hard to keep this secret. I want to tell my boss, who is also a close friend. I want her to know why I seem distracted, why I am a bit lethargic, etc. But I'm not ready for her to go into panic mode over my leaving....(I am due at the absolute worst possible time for my agency. I am due on 7/2, and my agency runs a Summer Camp. That means a) no senior staff get to take vacation over the summer (I am senior staff), b) the agency itself is short-staffed as many of our full time staff work at Camp for the summer, and c) in addition to camp, we do a youth employment program over the summer that I help run. Additionally, my boss oversees my program and Camp, and there is a brand spankin' new camp director, and this will be his rookie summer up there, meaning she will need to spend a lot of time holding his hand. Alas, none of this is my problem directly, but I know that I will be creating an agency-wide hardship and the programs may suffer from it. Thankfully, I am protected by law, so even if they are pissed about it, there's nothing they can do about it). She is going to be thrilled for me, pesonally,and panicked professionally. She also struggled with fertility, and has been with me every step of the way for the past year....I'm dying to tell her.
I think I may next week. We have supervision the day after my ultrasound, and I may have to spill it then.
I'm also seeing another friend the morning of my ultrasound. She was my supervisor in the NICU, and if anyone can relate to pregnancy related worry, she can. She had her baby this past February, at 41, after working in the NICU for 12 years. She has seen more birth trauma, infant illness, fetal death, family bereavement, etc than anyone I know. Anyway, I said I'd stop by the NICU to visit, I haven't been there since I stopped working there. I'm sure I'll spill the beans to her too.
My other friends? I continue to avoid them, until I get back from vacation. At that point I'll be 10 weeks and will have another doctor's appointment. If I make it through the next 7 days, I feel I am home free in that aspect.
And thanks to all of you for keeping my secret...I may be ready to post it "over there" next week after my ultrasound....maybe. But thanks for not telling it for me!
