Trying to be...
2003-11-05 - 7:48 a.m.
yesterday was so nice. Day off from work, no commitments. I spent the day in my jammies, relaxing, reading a trashy book (called "Getting Over Jack Wagner", how fucking funny is that?), doing some research on the computer. so so so nice.
Today its back to the grind. Here with my morning ritual of coffee, checking email and a few websites I frequent. My coffee holds less and less appeal these days. The doctor said its fine, since I only have one cup a day. I've been putting more milk in it, and making it a bit less strong. However, my tummy doesn't love it anymore, and I find I only make it part way through the cup before I lose interest.
My mother in law is being a bit nutty. She asked if I have a preference for the baby, and if I want to find out ahead of time. I said I'll be happy with whatever I have, but I've always wanted a daughter, so that would be a nice treat. But really, I'm just happy to have a child. I also told her that I don't want to know ahead of time, but that D does, so we're just going to continue to discuss it for the next 15 weeks, and when the time comes, whoever feels the most strongly about their decision, that's what we'll go with (that's how we tend to make major decisions in general).
So then she shoots me back an email wanting to know why I want a daughter so much, and her grandmother had 6 girls, then they had all boys, and she never got to see her greatgrandchildren. Where the fuck did that come from? as if the gender of our children will determine how much we visit our extended family?
Then she told me its bad that I'm getting tired so soon. And that she doesn't understand why I'm getting an ultrasound next week because in her day they only got them when something was wrong. grr. This is going to be a long pregnancy.
But this is better than my Nana who told me "don't gain any weight". ok nana. I think that's a great idea. Tell you what, I'll go on a diet *right now* and exercise until I pass out while I'm at it. God forbid my baby get nutrients if it means I gain weight! I know she meant it with love, but my lord that woman is judgemental and a bit too concerned with people's appearances. Would she rather I be like Debra Messing? So thin that she is on bedrest and being tube-fed nutrients so she doesn't lose her baby?
sigh.
I keep taking my temperature in the morning. Not every day, but many mornings. D asked me why today, and I said its because my BBT will stay high as long as I'm pregnant, so I'm just making sure. Its silly, but I can't help but wonder every now and then, "So, am I still pregnant?". I can't wait until next tuesday, the ultrasound will no doubt reassure me.
I have more to write about the bru-ha-ha over at that other website. Its not that I am that vested in it anymore, but I think I pinpointed the root of my issue with it all. In general (repeat, "in general") men and women have different communication styles. Men like to get to the problem at hand and solve it. Women like to discuss the process, provide support and empathy. Sure at times men can be supportive, and women can be problem solvers, but the communication style is different.
So, my issue with a certain male poster is his "I'll save the day!" attitude. His impression that we are damsels in distress, and he must offer his warnings (long, point by point strategies for newbies, about posting personal information, etc) and advice/information (links ad infinitum to previous posts, outside sources, etc) is really troublesome, especially on a feminist website. I guess if there were times I felt he tried to communicate with us, I would feel more endeared to him, but he doesn't. He comes, in a "typical male" (again, generalization based on numerous communication courses and psychology courses) fashion to solve the problems. He lurks in threads, and only adds "solutions" rather than contributing to the actual conversation, and I realize this is what bothers me.
I realize its not personal, its just a communication difference. Now that I realize that, and that it will never change, I will have to do a better job of ignoring him.
I'm hesitant to even write about it here, because I'm not interested in it being linked back over there...or even discussed over there. But I felt like i just had to get it out.
