Trying to be...
2003-08-26 - 9:30 a.m.
I have always tried to urge those people who constantly complain about things to either take steps to fix it, or just accept it and stop complaining...you know the people, the ones who complain non-stop about their job, and yet 5 years later are at the same company, doing the same thing, complaining about the same things....the ones who complain about an unfulfilling relationship, yet continue to stay together...the ones who complain about being depressed but won't seek out professional help to conquer their depression....
don't get me wrong, I am incredibly supportive of these people for a long, long time. I am notorious for being the shoulder they lean on while gaining the strength to make these changes. But after a certain amount of time, be it months or years, you want to scream "SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT!". I mean, if you've broken up with your cheating boyfriend 17 times, and now its time for number 18, there is only so much fresh advice I can give you, right?
Yesterday I realized I am one of those people....and it really surprised me. I've always sort of prided myself on my "not happy? do something about it!" ability. Wasn't happy in the music industry? well, up and quit then! Not fulfilled in a relationship? Leave him...don't wait for HIM to get the balls to leave me (for anyone concerned, this is NOT about D...this is relationships pre-D).
Anyway, I'm tired of myself complaining about the baby making thing. I should be getting my period in a day or two, and while I have my typical pre-period hopefullness/nervousness, I realize that I need to stop complaining about it and GET OFF THE POT.
I'm the only one who is holding up the process of fertility testing.
I am the only one dragging her heels to get a reproductive endocrinologist, and the only one dragging finding a new OB/GYN.
I am the only one who can take proactive steps to make change.
Now granted, D is very much involved in the process, and wants to do as much as he can, but really, its my body (at this point...though ulitmately it may turn out to be his too) and I need to do these things.
So here it goes....I have two routes:
1. Get my period. Immediately find a doctor and get an appointment. Start charting patterns again so I can go to the doctor prepared.
2. Don't get my period. Take home pregnancy test. Immediately find a doctor and get an appointment.
Its really very simple. So why haven't I gotten off my ass sooner and just done something about it?
(answer: because, like with any decision, often the fear of the unknown is far greater than the pain/dissatisfaction/whatever we are feeling in the present)
