Trying to be...
2003-08-22 - 9:40 a.m.
awake! I must stay awake!
What has come over me this week. I am exhausted beyone exhausted.
Yesterday, I yawned while in a session with a client. I was mortified. I apologized profusely. Could there be anything worse than a social worker/therapist yawning while in a session. GAD!
I'm sure its because of the black-out last week, when I worked a gillion hours and ran on full-speed adreneline. I slept a lot over the weekend, but then this work-week has been insane and my body isn't bouncing back. I'm used to my schedule (either working 12-8 or 10-6) and this week I've had to open the office each day at 9. Getting up and going that much earlier has just killed my energy. Plus its just been a stressful week at the office.
And there's no rest in sight because I have commited myself to working at the gym all weekend. This deal is no longer appealing to me. When it was a casual few hours at a location near my apartment, it was easy. Now, over time, she has extended the weekend hour bit by bit, and what used to be a total of 6 hours over 2 days has turned into 10 hours. What used to be a quick walk across town is now an hour or more on the subway each way. What used to be "just staffing the gym" has turned in to responsibilities such as having info sessions/training sessions with new members, sales pitches to people inquiring about the gym, cleaning and vaccuming (definitely not one of my favorite things), and phone call confirmations of future appointments.
Last night D said to me "its not like we can't afford a gym membership!" which is totally true. Back when I started, this barter seemed like a good deal. 6 hours over one weekend a month = waiver of $60 monthly membership = $10 an hour. Certainly not a rate that I would accept on an open market given my current skill/salary, but it seemed like a reasonable barter. Now that we are up to 10 hours a week and the extra duties, we're talking less than $6 an hour,and you know, at almost 34 years old, with a masters degree and a supervisory position in my profession, I don't really think doing something for *minimum wage* is really worth sacrificing my leisure time. I'd rather volunteer for a non-profit for nothing than that.
But I'm going to give the gym thing one or two more months, because that is what I am committed to, and then I think I have to cut the cord. (further, this gym owner thought it would be a good idea to have a "manager's meeting" on September 11. I emailed her back with a turse "I think that day might be a difficult one for me professionally, and I'd rather not commit to any extra-curriculars afterwards". I mean come on, its only the 2nd anniversary, in the city that was hardest hit, and you think that we should meet for dinner and drinks to discuss gym business? After dealing with my clients post-traumatic-stress-disorder all day, I would prefer to spend that time with my friends and family, thank you very much.)
But back to the being tired business....Unfortunately, I'm afraid of where the tiredness is leading. Usually I'm fine while I'm still going-going-going, but as soon as I slow down I get hit with the flu or something else yucky. So as I begin to coast ahead, full steam, until NEXT weekend when I can finally rest, I hope that I do not become plagued with illness. Wish me good health, please.
