Trying to be...
2003-07-19 - 4:08 p.m.
Is it tempting fate to invite a friend to visit?
Well, I guess I need to clarify, because the obvious answer to the above is no.
But when I reframe the question and ask "Is it tempting fate to invite a friend, who is a former fuck-buddy, to visit?"
or how about when its reframed as "Is it tempting fate to invite a friend, who is a former fuck-buddy, to visit while D is away on a business trip?"
I have no desire, inkling, or realistic thoughts of cheating on D. He is truly my best friend, soul-mate, and the only person I plan to be fucking for the rest of my life....but I'd be lying if I didn't think, for just an instant, "whoa...did I just invite him to come visit?"
Granted, the fuck-buddy status was a lifetime ago. He was living on the West Coast, I on the east. We developed an over-the-phone friendship based on our positions (he a college music director, me a record company promo person). I visited him once or twice on "business" trips, he stayed with me once or twice on trips to music conventions. Foremost we were friends. A nice benefits was the physical side, since this was in my single years.
We lost touch a few years ago. After D was in the picture. B knew about D. D knew about my relationship with B, including its "nuances". B and my friendship never changed or got weird when we shifted from "just friends" into "more than friends", and never changed or got weird when we went back to "just friends" again.
I can't even recall when exactly we lost touch....I've tried to find him a few times over the past 5 years, but he's got a fairly common name, and lives in a big city, and you know, Google just isn't THAT precise. So I gave up.
A few weeks ago, out of the blue, I got a letter from him. To our old address, but the one where D and I were already living together, so that helps put a timeline on when we last spoke. It was so wonderful to be surprised like that, when someone contacts you who you really are excited to hear from. It took a few weeks for the letter to catch up w/me in the new apartment, and by the time I got it, I was unclear whether he was still home (West Coast) or already traveling, as he mentioned he would be later in the summer.
I emailed him back after I got his letter. Though its funny, as present as email is in our lives, I felt I was gypping him. A written letter is so intimate, in ways an email never is. But I'm lazy, so I emailed him back instead of the good old fashioned written words.
I filled him in on the past few years, my going to graduate school, my change of career, getting married, moving. I told him how I've thought of him so often over the years, and tried to get in touch. That I was so grateful he found me.
Then nothing.
Is there anything worse than no response to an email? I mean, in this type of case, someone you haven't heard from in a gazillion years, who contacted you, then you reply back and *nothing*?
Anyway, I'm not a dramatic person, so as such, this story is not all that dramatic. He's traveling, in Europe, and returning to the states next week. He said he was excited that i was glad he contacted me, because he was nervous about it being too long. He said he flies back next week, and we'd catch up more when he was in the States.
So I quickly emailed him a "great, I look forward to it!" response. Then I asked if he had a layover in NYC on his return -- because lets face it, many flights from Europe to the West Coast do -- and that if so we would love to have him come and visit.
But then I remembered its a time-span when D is away.
Is that weird?
I guess not really. In my book, if its something you are comfortable informing the person about, chances are its nothing to be nervous/ashamed about. If I was keeping it a secret from D, then maybe it would be weird, but in reality:
a) I told D how excited I was to get B's letter and filled him in on how he was doing. And how I've tried to find B over the years to no success, and how happy I was that he found me.
b) My response to B told him about how great things are with D and our lives together
c) I told D that I invited B to stay over if he has a layover in NYC
so really at this point, I'm just over analyzing.
And aren't you lucky, you get to read it....(insert sarcasm). Were you expecting some torrid secrecy? Prospective infidelity? On-line suggestive flirting leading up to the arrival of a former lover?
Sorry. Just me wondering if its weird...See, I'm really not all that interesting.
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although, B did say in his email response included congratulations on getting married, but that he was "a little jealous, but know that you deserve (and he too) big love."
But that too, I seem to be overanalyzing. I think he's just jealous because he is sad his last relationship did not work out, not that he's jealous he didn't get me. You know?
p.s. -- the whole post is moot (as of 7/21) as he just emailed me back that there is no lay-over, so therefore no visit. But it was fun just to think about...
