Trying to be...
2003-07-18 - 8:02 a.m.
Yesterday, as I was walking to the gym (which I was horrendously out of shape for,but that is not the point) I was thinking about the last few months. I self-administered one of those "life stressor" tests and realized that I have encountered all of the top stressors since May 1.
1. Move - stress related to the move itself, coupled with the change in daily routine/habits
2. Job-related stress including shift in responsibility and less availabe supports
3. Illness / Death in the family - those two weeks of my grandfather's rapid demise and his death
4. Illness of self - well, not illness, but the realization that these "things" going on with me and the continued lack of conception are likely indicators of a bigger health concern
Then add on top of it, while I'm at the most stressed out periods of all, I twist my ankle making exercise impossible for the past 3 weeks....Its amazing I haven't truly fallen apart.
Through it all I'm doing ok. Last summer was worse, and that was only one major stressor (watching my client have a heart attack, having to control the situation - calling 911, calming down my other clients who were right there, having to tell his wife and accompany her to the hospital -- all while commanding both of their guide dogs, who by the way, are trained to not listen to anyone other than their masters -- staying with her while they pronounced him, and supporting her until her family members could arrive)
That was one hell of a day that I carried with me for quite some time afterwards.
But yeah, I'm doing ok. Except for the "wow, how did I gain 10 pounds?" part. My pants are tight, I feel flabby, and I need to get more fit. I feel better emotionally when I am in better physical shape. My physical stamina helps to push my emotional stamina, and right now the former is pretty low, and its only a matter of time before the latter gets drained as well.
So today I pinky swear to get back to at least 3 times a week at Curves, and to go for long walks (upgraded to running whe my ankle allows) on the weekends.
----------------------------------
Yesterday's workshop was amazing. I love that feeling...when you come out of a workshop thinking "wow, I want to implement that!" rather than "holy shit, I missed 4 hours of work for that?" I go to a lot of lame ass workshops.
But yesterdays topic was "Group Bereavement following Traumatic Events". Amazing.
The curriculum focused on work that had been done with 9/11 families -- support groups that had age appropriate exercises, but universal themes that have been done with the widows (primarily widows...I think the target group was all wives of first responders -- firefighters, police, etc) as well as the children.
Sometimes I doubt my abilities as a mental health worker...not often, but sometimes I go "wait a minute...is it working? I still think of myself as a kid, do they take me seriously?". But then I hear the qualities of a good group leader, or the dynamics of a good group, or the skills needed for doing bereavement work and I think "hey, I DO all of those things....this all seems natural to me" while others are going "huh? can you explain that again" and I realize, you know, I'm really good at what I do. And I love it.
I've never had aspirations to go in to private practice. I don't want to be a "therapist" per se. But sometimes I think about doing some freelance work on the side (I know that's not the right term for it, in this profession, but its the word that came to mind). I think about how someday, when I am not working full time so I can be home with young children (*cue fantasy music*) how great it would be to have a few clients on the side.
But group work is where it is really at. I love running support groups. I love the dynamic. I love the struggle to find the universal concept within the individual story. I love that moment when it shifts from being a room full of people into a room with a cohesive, trusting support group.
I love when I walk out of trainings with this feeling. It reminds me why, at 30, I went back to grad school and why those student loans are worth it. I makes the nonsense that I deal with on a day to day basis (such as that client telling me to "fuck off" yesterday becuase I wouldn't go to her apartment and fix her computer) fade away and energizes me to do more and more.
--------------------------------
p.s. How do I get to do that fun little Friday Five thing? You know I'm jealous....
--------------------------------
p.p.s BIRTHDAY GIRL, if you are reading this, I'm wishing you the happiest of days today and every day.
