Trying to be...
2003-07-17 - 7:56 a.m.
D is off again today, this time to Boston. Then home again tomorrow night, late. Then off again next week, I think for Chicago, but who can keep all of these trips straight? All I know is that lately the bed has been empty more than its been full. But it will be over in 2 weeks, then no more travel for a while, which is good.
It was nice to have a date last night. I knew if we tried to have a nice dinner at home, which I would have been happy to prepare as I love cooking in the new kitchen, his wheels would be spinning -- gearing up to pack, double checking the presentation, etc. The restaurant was eh. The drinks were good, but the meal just ok. Easy come easy go, we're still trying to figure out the neighborhood in that way.
Its funny yesterday I posted about my knack for running into people I know. I was en route to meet D at the restaurant and ran in to my former supervisor from the field placement I mentioned yesterday. She lives in the neighborhood, and it was one of those random encounters. I love that.
But lately I've been pretty ambivilent about seeing people. I mean, I love the "run in" things (in fact, the other day on the way to the Dr's office to request copies of my records, I ran in to my former best friend, from when I first moved to NYC. She works in my neighborhood and was running out to get her lunch). I also love the "hey,what are you doing tonight?" last minute plans. But I've been hesitant to make the "what are you doing next weekend" plans.
Why is that? I think now that I've moved, I enjoy having the solitude of the new apartment, and enjoy spending my weekends by myself - long walks, reading, grocery shopping, cooking. But its weird, because I've noticed this recluse shift over the past few months. That's a lie. Now that I think of it, I was like this before the move too. I guess I've been this way since I've become a career person - I treasure my weekends so much.
so perhaps today's "trying to be" will end with "a better friend"? or perhaps "better at making and sticking with social plans"? that's a lofty goal.
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I've been trying to get my eating back on track as well. The past two days have been better. Not incredibly great, but better. Its not a vanity thing either, I feel better when I'm eating better. I've noticed w/my less than stellar eating habits I have way more mood swings, energy peaks/dips, etc. And lets not even mention the lack of exercise for the past 3 weeks.
But the eating is getting there. Yesterday I don't think I ate anything processed. Breakfast was multigrain hot cereal with a tablespoon of natural peanut butter. Lunch was a cup of brown rice with a half cup of chick peas with some seasoning. Snack was some melon. Dinner...oh, ok dinner wasn't the greatest, but not bad. A margarita (yeah, that is processed sugar alright!), salad, shrimp, baked potato w/salsa on it, and veggies. One little slice of bread that I realized didn't even taste good so I left the rest of it.
Today I have a meeting at Curves. I haven't been there since July 1 when I sprained my ankle. I do this barter thing where I work one weekend a month in exchange for a free membership. I haven't gotten my end of the deal since before i moved. In June I think I went 4 times. July I haven't been at all. But I talked to D about it...I'm committed to still doing July and August, and hope that I become more motivated (and work lets up enough) to use it more, like I used to.
When I was going regularly, 4 times a week, I felt like a powerhouse! I was strong! I was in shape! I could kick some ass! Now I feel flabby, lethargic, self-concious of my belly. Knowing how badly I want to get pregnant, I am in horror that people have noticed my (minor) weight gain/displacement and are starting to wonder if I'm pregnant. There is nothing more heartbreaking than someone asking you if you are pregnant when you are not. For a variety of reasons.
So tonight I have a staff meeting at Curves, and that will (hopefully) jump start my ass into exercising again.
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Does everyone start off these diaryland's with such gusto? I know it will taper off soon, but I feel like I have so much to say and will just fill volumes and volumes here.
Today I'm going to a training workshop on Bereavement and Response to Trauma (two separate topics, though it could read as only one topic). I'm so excited about this, but am anxious about being out of the office for 5 hours to get the training. These are the types of things that keep me excited about my profession, knowing that the knowledge is exciting to me, and knowing that I am good at actually doing the counseling after the training.
Please give me permission to not feel guilty for being out of the office, ok?
